《飘》精读 41章 1

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CHAPTER XLI

WHEN the last good-by had been said and the last sound of wheels and hooves died away, Scarlett went into Ellen’s office and removed a gleaming object from where she had hidden it the night before between the yellowed papers in the pigeon-holes of the secretary.

最后一个送葬者告别了，最后一辆车的车轮声和马蹄声消失了，思嘉走进母亲爱伦过去的办事房，从秘书的文书格子中发黄的故纸堆里取出一件发亮的东西，这是她前一天晚上藏在这里的。

Hearing Pork sniffling in the dining room as he went about laying the table for dinner she called to him.

听见波克在饭厅里一面摆桌子，一面抽抽搭搭地哭，就叫他过来。

He came to her, his black face as forlorn as a lost and masterless hound.

他走进来，他那张黑脸像丧家狗的脸一样难看。

“Pork,” she said sternly, “you cry just once more and I’ll-I’ll cry, too. You’ve got to stop.”

“波克，”她正言厉色地说，“你要是再哭，我就——我就也要哭了。你可不能再哭了。”

“Yas’m. Ah try but every time Ah try Ah thinks of Mist’ Gerald and–”

“是，小姐。俺不哭了，可是每次俺忍着不哭，就想起杰拉尔德老爷——”

“Well, don’t think. I can stand everybody else’s tears but not yours. There.”

“那你就别想。别人哭，我都可以忍受，惟独你哭，我受不了。你看，”

she broke off gently, “don’t you see? I can’t stand yours because I know how you loved him. Blow your nose, Pork. I’ve got a present for you.”

说到这里，她停顿了一下，口气变得温和了，“你还不明白吗？你哭，我受不了，是因为我知道你多么爱护老爷。去擤擤鼻子，波克。我要送你一件礼物。”

A little interest flickered in Pork’s eyes as he blew his nose loudly but it was more politeness than interest.

波克一面大声擤鼻子，一面流露出有些感兴趣的目光，不过与其说他感兴趣，不如说他是出自礼貌。

“You remember that night you got shot robbing somebody’s hen house?”

“那天晚上，你去偷人家的鸡，让人家开枪打伤了，你还记得吗？”

“Lawd Gawd, Miss Scarlett! Ah ain’never”

“哎呀，思嘉小姐！俺从来没有——”

“Well, you did, so don’t lie to me about it at this late date.

“好了，怎么没有，事到如今你也就别对我撒谎了。

You remember I said I was going to give you a watch for being so faithful?”

我说过我要给你一只表，奖励你的忠诚，你还记得吗？”

“Yas’m, Ah remembers. Ah figgered you’d done fergot.”

“是，小姐，俺记得。俺猜想您已经忘了。”

“No, I didn’t forget and here it is.”

“没有，我没忘，现在就给你。”

She held out for him a massive gold watch, heavily embossed, from which dangled a chain with many fobs and seals.

思嘉伸出手来给他看一只沉甸甸的金表，上面刻着很多立体的花纹，一根链子垂下来，链子上也有一些装饰品。

“Fo’Gawd, Miss Scarlett!”cried Pork. “That’s Mist’ Gerald’s watch! Ah done seen him look at that watch a milyun times!”

“哎呀，思嘉小姐！”波克说，“这是杰拉尔德老爷的表！俺看见老爷看这只表，不知看了多少次。”

“Yes, it’s Pa’s watch, Pork, and I’m giving it to you. Take it.”

“不错，是爸爸的表，波克，现在我把它送给你了，拿去吧。”

Oh, no’m!” Pork retreated in horror.

“唔，俺不要，小姐，”波克往后退缩，显出害怕的样子，

“That’s a white gentmam’s watch and Mist’Gerald’s ter boot.

“这是白人老爷们用的表，是杰拉尔德老爷的。

Huccome you talk about giving it to me, Miss Scarlett? that watch belong by rights to little Wade Hampton.”

思嘉小姐，您怎么能说把它送给俺呢？这只表照理应该属于小少爷韦德·汉普顿。”

“It belongs to you. What did Wade Hampton ever do for Pa?

“现在这只表属于你了。韦德·汉普顿为我爸爸干过什么事？

Did he look after him when he was sick and feeble?

爸爸生病虚弱的时候，他照顾过他吗？

Did he bathe him and dress him and shave him?

给他洗过澡，换过衣裳，刮过脸吗？

Did he stick by him when the Yankees came?

北方佬来的时候，随时跟他在一起吗？

Did he steal for him? Don’t be a fool, Pork.

为他偷过东西吗？你别这么傻，波克。

If ever anyone deserved a watch, you do, and I know Pa would approve. Here.

要是说谁配得到一只表，那就是你了。我知道，爸爸要是在世，也会同意的。拿去吧。”

She picked up the black hand and laid the watch in the palm.

说罢，她抓起波克一只手，把表放在了他的手心里。

Pork gazed at it reverently and slowly delight spread over his face.

波克怀着崇敬的心情看着这只表，脸上慢慢显出十分愉快的神色。

“For me, truly, Miss Scarlett?”

给俺了，真的，思嘉小姐？”

“Yes, indeed.”

“是的，真给你了！”

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“Well’m–thankee, Ma’m.”

“那么——谢谢您，小姐。”

“Would you like for me to take it to Atlanta and have it engraved?”

“愿不愿意让我拿到亚特兰大，去刻上几个字呀？”

“What’s this engrabed mean?” Pork’s voice was suspicious.

“刻字是什么意思？”波克用怀疑的语气问。

“It means to put writing on the back of it, like–like ‘To Pork from the O’Haras–Well done good and faithful servant.’ ”

“意思就是在后面用刀刻几个字，比如——比如‘勤劳忠实的好仆人波克——奥哈拉全家赠’这类的话。”

“No’m–thankee. Ma’m. Never mind the engrabing.” Pork retreated a step, clutching the watch firmly.

“不用了，谢谢您，小姐。不必刻字了。”波克后退了一步，手里紧紧握着那只表。

A little smile twitched her lips.

思嘉的嘴角露出一丝微笑。

“What’s the matter, Pork? Don’t you trust me to bring it back?”

“你怎么了，波克？你不相信我会把它捎回来吗？”

“Yas’m, Ah trus’es you-only, well’m, you may change your mind.”

“小姐，俺相信您——不过，唔，也许您会改变主意的。”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“不会的。”

“Well’m, you must sell it. Ah spect it’s worth a heap.”

“那您也许会把它卖了。俺估计它值好多钱呢。”

“Do you think I’d sell Pa’s watch?”

“你以为我会把我爸的表卖掉吗？”

“Yas’m–If you needed the money.”

“是呀，小姐，如果您需要用钱的话。”

“You ought to be beat for that, Pork. I’ve a mind to take the watch back.”

“你说这样的话，应该揍你一顿，波克。我都想把表收回来了。”

“No’m, you ain’!” The first faint smile of the day showed on Pork’s grief-worn face. “Ah knows you–An’Miss Scarlett–”

“不，小姐，您不会的！”悲伤了一整天的波克，这时脸上露出了一丝笑容，“俺了解您——不过，思嘉小姐——”

“Yes, Pork?”

“说下去，波克。”

“If you was just’ half as nice to white folks as you is to niggers, Ah spect the world’would treat you better.”

“您对待黑人的这一片好心，只要拿一半去对待白人，俺想人们对您也会好一些的。”

“It treats me well enough,” she said.

“人们对我够好的了，”思嘉说，

“Now, go find Mr. Ashley and tell him I want to see him here, right away.”

“你去找一下艾希礼先生，让他到这里来见我，马上就来。”

…………

Ashley sat on Ellen’s little writing chair, his long body dwarfing the frail bit of furniture while Scarlett offered him a half-interest in the mill.

艾希礼坐在爱伦书桌前的小椅子上。他身材高大，椅子显得又小，又不经坐。思嘉跟他谈木材厂的事，利钱对半分。

Not once did his eyes meet hers and he spoke no word of interruption.

他对思嘉一眼也不看，一声也不吭，坐在那里，

He sat looking down at his hands, turning them over slowly, inspecting first palms and then backs,

低着头看自己的两只手，慢慢地翻动着，看了手心看手背，

as though he had never seen them before.

好像从来没见过。

Despite hard work, they were still slender and sensitive looking

这双手虽然干重活，却依然细长，看上去一定感觉敏锐。

and remarkably well tended for a farmer’s hands.

对一个庄稼汉来说，这双手是保护得够好的。

His bowed head and silence disturbed her a little and she redoubled her efforts to make the mill sound attractive.

他低头不语，思嘉感到有些焦虑，于是就竭力宣扬这个木材厂有多么吸引人。

She brought to bear, too, all the charm of smile and glance she possessed but they were wasted, for he did not raise his eyes.

她甚至把她具有的微笑和眼神的魅力也都使出来了，可惜这也是白费力，因为他一直连眼皮也不抬。

If he would only look at her!

他要是看她一眼就好了！

She made no mention of the information Will had given her of Ashley’s determination to go North and spoke with the outward assumption that no obstacle stood in the way of his agreement with her plan.

思嘉没提威尔告诉她的关于艾希礼决定到北方去的消息，言谈之中假装看不出有什么障碍使他不能同意她的计划。假设;假定;担任;

Still he did not speak and finally, her words trailed into silence.

艾希礼还是一言不发，她渐渐也没什么话好说了。

There was a determined squareness about his slender shoulders that alarmed her.

他那瘦削的肩膀给人以坚定正直的感觉，思嘉不禁为之一惊。

Surely he wouldn’t refuse! What earthly reason could he have for refusing?

他一定不会拒绝吧！他有什么站得住脚的理由拒不接受呢？

“Ashley,” she began again and paused.

“艾希礼。”她刚一开口又停下来。

She had not intended using her pregnancy as an argument, had shrunk from the thought of Ashley even seeing her so bloated and ugly,

她本来不想把怀孕也当做一条理由，怕让艾希礼看见她肚子鼓鼓的那副丑样子，

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but as her other persuasions seemed to have made no impression, she decided to use it and her helplessness as a last card.

可是她用的其他一些理由都不起作用，就决定把此事以及她如何没有办法作为最后一张牌打了出来。

“You must come to Atlanta. I do need your help so badly now, because I can’t look after the mills.

“你一定要到亚特兰大来。我现在非常需要你帮忙，因为我管不了厂里的事了。

It may be months before I can because–you see–well, because …”

可能要等好几个月呢，因为——你看——唔，因为……”

“Please!” he said roughly. “Good God, Scarlett!”

“快别说了，看在老天爷分上！”他粗鲁地说。

He rose and went abruptly to the window

他站起来，突然向窗口走去。

and stood with his back to her, watching the solemn single file of ducks parade across the barnyard.

他站在窗口，背对着思嘉，注视着窗外一群鸭子在粮仓的院子里鱼贯而行。

“Is that–is that why you won’t look at me?” she questioned forlornly. “I know I look”

“难道——难道这就是为什么你不肯看我一眼吗？”思嘉无可奈何地问。“我知道我的样子——”

He swung around in a flash and his gray eyes met hers with an intensity that made her hands go to her throat.

艾希礼猛地转过身来，他那灰色的眼睛正好接上思嘉的目光。他眼中喷射出强烈的感情，使思嘉紧张得情不自禁地把两手提到了嗓子眼儿。

“Damn your looks!” he said with a swift violence. “You know you always look beautiful to me.”

“快别说你的样子了，”他异常激动地说，“你知道，我一向觉得你很漂亮。”

Happiness flooded her until her eyes were liquid with tears.

思嘉一听这话，感到无限的喜悦，顿时眼睛里充满了泪水。

“How sweet of you to say that! For I was so ashamed to let you see me”

“你真好，肯说这样的话。让你看到我这副样子，实在不好意思——”

“You ashamed? Why should you be ashamed? I’m the one to feel shame and I do.

“你不好意思？你有什么不好意思的？应该是我不好意思，我也的确是不好意思。

If it hadn’t been for my stupidity you wouldn’t be in this fix.

当初要不是我事情办得那么蠢，你现在也不必这样为难了。

You’d never have married Frank.

你也绝不会嫁给弗兰克了。

I should never have let you leave Tara last winter.

去年冬天，我本不该让你离开塔拉。

Oh, fool that I was! I should have known you known you were desperate, so desperate that you’d–I should have–I should have–” His face went haggard.

我怎么这么愚蠢啊！我应该了解你——知道你当时走投无路，实在是走投无路，所以你——我应该——我应该——”他脸上现出痛苦的神色。

Scarlett’s heart beat wildly.

思嘉的心跳得非常猛烈。

He was regretting that he had not run away with her!

艾希礼当时没有和她一起出逃，现在后悔了。

The least I could have done was go out and commit highway robbery or murder to get the tax money for you when you had taken us in as beggars.

“我当时起码也可以劫道甚至杀人，来把税款替你弄到，因为你像收留叫花子一样收留了我们。

Oh, I messed it up all the way around!”

唉，都是我把什么事全给弄糟了。”

Her heart contracted with disappointment and some of the happiness went from her, for these were not the words she hoped to hear.

思嘉感到失望，她的心一阵收缩，刚才那喜悦的心情也消失了一些，因为她并不希望听艾希礼说这样的话。

“I would have gone anyway,” she said tiredly.“I couldn’t have let you do anything like that. And anyway, it’s done now.”

“我当时反正是要走的，”她说，脸上显得有些疲倦，“再说，我也不会让你去做那样的事。现在这些事都已经过去了。”

Yes, it’s done now,” he said with slow bitterness. “You wouldn’t have let me do anything dishonorable but you would sell yourself to a man you didn’t love and bear his child, so that my family and I wouldn’t starve. It was kind of you to shelter my helplessness.”

“是的，已经过去了，”他痛苦地慢慢说，“你不会让我去做任何不光彩的事，可是你却把自己卖给了一个你并不爱的男人——还要为他生孩子，为的是让我们一家不至于饿死。我无能，你照应了我，你可太好了。”

The edge in his voice spoke of a raw, unhealed wound that ached within him and his words brought shame to her eyes.

他话里有话，说明他心灵上尚未愈合的创伤还在发痛。他的话还使思嘉眼里流露出愧色。

He was swift to see it and his face changed to gentleness.

艾希礼很快就意识到这一点，脸色也就变得温和了。

“You didn’t think I was blaming you? Dear God, Scarlett! No. You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known. It’s myself I’m blaming.”

“你没有以为我是在责怪你吧？天晓得，思嘉，我可没有责怪你呀。你是我认识的最勇敢的一个女人。我是在责怪自己呢。”

He turned and looked out of the window again and the shoulders presented to her gaze did not look quite so square.

他又转身去看窗外，他的肩膀在她眼中已不像刚才显得那样坚定了。

Scarlett waited a long moment in silence, hoping that Ashley would return to the mood in which he spoke of her beauty, hoping he would say more words that she could treasure.

思嘉默默地等了半天，希望艾希礼的情绪有所变化，再出现刚才说她漂亮时的那种心情，希望他再说一些她喜欢听的话。

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It had been so long since she had seen him and she had lived on memories until they were worn thin.

她很久没有见他了，在这段时间里，她一直沉浸在对往事的回忆之中。

She knew he still loved her.

她知道他还在爱她。

That fact was evident, in every line of him, in every bitterself-condemnatory word, in his resentment at her bearing Frank’s child.

这是很明显的，他的一举一动，他说的每一句痛苦自责的话，他由于她为弗兰克生孩子而产生的不满情绪，都可以说明这一点。

She so longed to hear him say it in words, longed to speak words herself that would provoke a confession, but she dared not.

她很想听他亲口表达他的爱，很想说点什么使他自动表白，但是她又不敢这样做。

She remembered her promise given last winter in the orchard, that she would never again throw herself at his head.

她记得去年冬天自己曾在果园里许诺不再挑逗他的感情。

Sadly she knew that promise must be kept if Ashley were to remain near her.

她虽然很难过，但是她知道，要想使艾希礼留在她身边，她必须遵守诺言。

One cry from her of love and longing, one look that pleaded for his arms, and the matter would be settled forever.

她只要说一句表示情欲的话，使一个祈求拥抱的眼色，那就一切全完了。

Ashley would surely go to New York. And he must not go away.

艾希礼就一定会到纽约去。可是让他走，是绝对不行的。